I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
