in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
