Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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