This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
