You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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