my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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