I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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