I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
