his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
