I would go down on you faster than GM stock
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
