were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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