Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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