He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
