my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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