we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
