Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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