i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
