I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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