last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
