so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
