im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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