end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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