You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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