The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
