I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i think i just lost a toe
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
