Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
