Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
