I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
