He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
