I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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