my room smells like sperm. sweet.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
