John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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