I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
