I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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