She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You ruined the universe
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
