I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
