she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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