just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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