So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
