I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
