So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
