btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
