one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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