running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
