you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
