strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
