i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Randomize
