ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
ugly people sure do ruin things
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
