I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize
