i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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