I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
